Intolerance
Intolerant out of need, out of desire, out of willingness.
I am intolerant.
Not in the way where I can’t stand people who have differing beliefs than mine or lead a differing lifestyle than my own.
I am intolerant in the way that I refuse to endure relationships where I am not loved, situations where I am not respected, and places that pluck my feathers rather than embrace me wholly.
Younger Me was tolerant of all the above, driven by the naive belief that if they were tolerant, others would value Younger Me the way Younger Me did them. In the end, the only thing I was rewarded with was the feeling of being drained. The people, places, and situations I thought would grow to appreciate my being, did the opposite. Because they were never meant for me in the first place, their inability to enfold me was simply a reflection of that.
Present Me knows better.
I no longer seek refuge in others whose souls are hollow.
I take what others say and do at face value, no longer creating justifications.
I no longer shrink parts of myself as a sacrificial ritual to fit in.
I believe people the first time around when they reveal who they are.
I no longer hesitate to take up space in places I know I deserve to belong.
I no longer give more than I receive.
I no longer give people second chances.
It was never easy to become the intolerant Present Me that I am now.
Truthfully, it took a lot of mental back-and-forth and release of the habits of Younger Me to get to where I am. It required the necessary internal work – coming to terms that I couldn’t obtain the quality of life I want, the life I deserve, without becoming intolerant.
In more ways than one, my intolerance has acted as a shield – of protection, a filter, a barrier.
If adulthood has taught me anything, it’s taught me the value of removing the rose colored glasses I once wore throughout my adolescence and years of an undeveloped frontal lobe.
If you were to embark on this journey too, know that because you’re no longer bending to the will of others or reshaping yourself to fit in places and situations that are intolerant of you, you will often find yourself lonesome.
But that also means your Shield Of Intolerance has successfully achieved its purpose.
You may find yourself no longer in alignment with those you were once close with. You may not live the life you once had.
For me, my Shield Of Intolerance protected me from going any further than was needed in the people, places, and situations I encountered.
My Shield Of Intolerance filtered out inauthentic and disingenuous characters who wanted to harvest my energy but not pour back into me.
My Shield Of Intolerance acted as a barrier from relationships, situations, and places I was never meant to step foot in.
While it is lonesome letting go of what I was once tolerant of, it is also freeing.
The freedom I possess was given to me because of the freedom of choice I have.
I knew that letting go of what I was once tolerant of would be hard, but it was a necessary endeavor. I could either choose to remain where I was – stuck, unsatisfied, and drained. Or, I could choose to create a version of me I craved – independent, happy, and fulfilled. And of course, as the story goes, I chose the latter.
In doing so, I learned the only entity that could give me what I wanted was myself.
After all, it’s my life.
It would be credulous of me to so readily believe that others would understand the journey I had to undertake, or that they would want to join with me, when it was a journey I had to experience alone.
So, yes, I am intolerant.
Intolerant out of need, out of desire, out of willingness.
And what has come of my intolerance has been peace, authenticity, and strength – invaluable assets that I wouldn’t trade for the world.
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
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Thank you. 𓇢𓆸